Sleepless !

Friday 23rd Dec 2016,12.25 am.

Can't sleep , again !

Not in a mood to read anything. Rather it is too much of an effort to get up ,go in another room and read. I wish I had a kindle.

Why am I sleepless ? Am I thinking of work ? Though it is an unpleasant sensation at the back of my mind, right now I am not thinking of work. I think the call that I got at 12 am from the hospital has disturbed me. Well , when I took this job , I knew that would happen,so no point in cribbing over this.

And it may be due to heavy dinner that I had at a wedding that I attended. Age is catching up with me , can not really digest heavy food at night.

Or is it the excitement ? My books have started arriving . This time they are all novels and interesting novels, not too heavy in the linguistics. I am certain that I am going to enjoy reading them. Not like my last order , nonfiction books which became heavy ,dry and boring after a few pages.

This year , I have bought many books. Some second hand and many brand new from Amazon. I do not dare to measure the financial side of this . I did not keep my resolution of not buying anymore books before I could finish the previous ones.

One more resolution that I failed to keep was weight loss. As in last 15 years , the days passed but not a milligram or centimeter reduced. Actually,by now I am used this state of being. Is that the reason behind my lack of serious efforts ?

Now when I think of it , I haven't really followed any of my resolutions this year. But I will make new ones on 31st Dec. ,simply because I enjoy doing it. I love the few minutes of daydreaming that follows the resolutions. And every year there is a tiny hope...the XYZ book that I read this year was superb ! I am sure it will help me achieve all that I want to !!

Finally , my eyes have started drooping. I seem to have found a good way to utilize this solitude in the cozy darkness of my bedroom.

It is a way of talking to myself...a digital diary !

खुद से बाते करते रहना , बाते करते रहना…..हो….

आंखे मुंदे दिल मे मीठी बाते भरते रहना …..

Unwisely wise aka TBR or not TBR !

A moment of weakness , a delusion about my abilities to digest serious reading , a confusion about what I ought to read and what I want to read ….these factors are the root cause of my not too appealing TBR list this week.

What happened was ,I was reading a marathi book called ‘Boardroom ‘ This is about evolution of management principles over the years and not at all boring as I made it sound.It has many interesting stories about world’s large and famous companies, their founders and the journey of the companies. It is written by Achyut Godbole and his nephew Atul Kahate.

Yes,I am coming to the point of my TBR list…. don’t go away…

In the introduction of this book , Kahate praises Bertrand Russell’s ‘In praise of Idleness’ as one of the best books of essays. That made me curious ,and I thought I could handle B.R. after several years of serious reading …( and yes, M ,my dear friend is also reading it !) Since yesterday that book is sitting on my side table,looking haughtily and pityingly  at me …. Today , finally….I managed to….hmmm….. hide it under a pile of my more frivolous fiction books. It will stay there till my next visit to the library….

For the second book , a fellow blogger is to blame...had he not praised ‘The summing up’ as a book to be read by every wannabe writer, I wouldn't have brought it home. I even ignored the memory of a failed attempt to read this book around 5 years back.

Anyway , tomorrow is a new day ! I will go and exchange these !

Irrelevant !

At some point in life , you feel the need to give up your old self.

It is the image you have created in the public eye some time in the past.Or it may be that people have created these labels for you.

But now, you find that these labels do not define you.They do not allow you to grow, to explore new territories. Instead they trap you in the same old image , same thought processes.

I feel I am going through this process right now. The expectations I have from myself probably do not allow me to venture into a new territory.

I do not have any new creative writing impulses right now. I have been stifling the voices in my mind , saying that it's all irrelevant.

Hence this new blog. It's all irrelevant anyway ! Why not provide an outlet for it ?

Why not forget who you are for some time and just be. Just be. Comfortable in my own skin. Just as I am.

This is just an attempt to be reborn in a seamless world. If it exists.